Child Custody Agreement Without Court: Is It Possible?
Jun 16
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Jenifer Marks, Esq.
Child Custody Agreement Without Court: Is It Possible?
The short answer: Yes.
The long answer: Yes, but there are risks.
Parents can absolutely create a child custody agreement without going to court. Many families successfully reach agreements regarding parenting time, holidays, vacations, decision-making, communication, and other parenting plan provisions without asking a judge to make those decisions for them.
However, a child custody agreement that has not been approved by a court and signed by a judge may be difficult—or even impossible—to enforce if one parent later decides not to follow it.
We discuss child custody agreements, parenting plans, residential schedules, holidays, vacations, decision-making provisions, and common parenting plan mistakes in our FREE class, Parenting Plans & Custody Agreements.
How to Create a Child Custody Agreement Without Going to Court
Many parents successfully negotiate custody agreements on their own or with the assistance of:
- Great communication between parties (yes, this can work)
- Mediators
- Attorneys
- Parenting coordinators
- Family therapists
- Collaborative divorce professionals
In a lot situations, parents may never need a judge to decide custody issues. Many family law professionals believe that parents who reach agreements themselves often have better long-term outcomes than parents who fight every disagreement in court.
A recent article in The Guardian discussed concerns about the adversarial nature of custody litigation and how prolonged court battles can increase conflict rather than resolve it.
However, even when parents reach a child custody agreement outside of court, many choose to submit the agreement to the court for approval. Once approved and signed by a judge, the agreement typically becomes an enforceable court order.
This allows parents to maintain control over the terms of their custody agreement while still having the protections and enforceability that come with a court order.
What Do I have to Know to Create A Custody Agreement Out of Court?
Short Answer: A lot.
Long Answer: Create a plan that is clear, protects your relationship with your child, and helps you avoid costly future disputes.
Creating a child custody agreement without court involvement is possible for many families. The key is creating an agreement that addresses more than just where the child sleeps on Tuesday night.
Understanding custody agreements means understanding how parenting time will be structured, how decisions will be made, how disagreements will be resolved, and how the agreement will adapt as your child grows and circumstances change.
A well-written parenting plan should anticipate future challenges before they become future conflicts.
The more thoughtfully a custody agreement is drafted today, the less likely parents are to find themselves back in mediation, arbitration, or court tomorrow.
In Class 1: Parenting Plans & Custody Agreements, we discuss how clear parenting plan language can help parents reduce conflict, avoid ambiguity, and create stronger custody agreements. Start FREE today!
Looking for a Child Custody Agreement Template? Start With Your Local Court Resources.
Many states and local courts provide free parenting plan forms, custody agreement templates, and instructions for parents who are creating custody agreements. Even if you ultimately customize your agreement, reviewing your local court's forms can help you understand the topics courts commonly expect parents to address.
For example, the California Courts Self-Help Center provides information about child custody, parenting plans, and agreements between parents. Reviewing resources like these can help parents better understand custody agreements and identify issues that should be addressed in a parenting plan.
Helpful Resource: California Courts – Child Custody & Parenting Plans
Keep in mind that court forms are often designed to meet minimum legal requirements. Many parents choose to add additional provisions addressing holidays, vacations, communication, travel, extracurricular activities, dispute resolution, and future schedule changes to reduce the likelihood of future conflict.
For a more in-depth understanding of how Parenting Plans work, head over to our FREE class!
